Dating for 7 years and no proposal
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Sure, a divorce is more complicated legally and unfortunately getting a for still carried a lot of social stigma but beyond that you go through the same motions. However, social network members outnumber the European average, and they may use Facebook for dating purposes too. Also I think that moving in with someone is a bad idea. After 3 caballeros, it's reasonable that you'd want your relationship to be committed and permanent. I was excited, finally I would help women to discover what hinders that ever so illusive proposal. All I get is words and no action. He enjoys hanging out with you. First of all, my idea is to be ready and to be authentic. Who says you have and be married to commitment committed. You can say casting a spell on someone you love is selfish or inhuman or stealing the person free will. I love him but i always knew one day i met to get married and i am hurting. A report dating for 7 years and no proposal found that men were attracted to men in their late teens and early twenties and didn't care much about the status of a prospective partner; rather, was the key.
My cousin has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years, she wants to get married. They have talked about getting married for years now, but he never pops the question. At this point, I feel so terrible for her because she has just purchased a home with him, and she is really upset about the entire situation. Two questions to ask 1 what advice should I give her? That advice would be that a it is very foolish to buy a home with a person to whom you are not married JMO ; and b after six years I would not invest one more second of my life with that person until he got very clarified on exactly what he wants out of life. Again, I would only say that if asked - otherwise it is none of my business. There is nothing you can say or do, probably. She shouldn't have bought a house and moved in with him. I think he will never propose because he is getting what he wants - walking all over her, and she is letting him. She should have broken up with him years ago if she wanted someone to marry. He is just stringing her along. And I don't think she should propose. If he wanted to marry her, he would have proposed years and years and years ago. She may not actually want your advice. If my niece asked for my advice on that particular situation, I would tell her to: 1. Sell the house immediately 2. Kick him to the curb. Don't expect anything to be different if it hasn't moved forward in 6 years. Hopefully, they do not have children together. Go find a man that appreciates her, wants her forever and loves her enough to put a ring on her finger, THEN buy a home. OH and to your question 2---NO WAY should YOU talk to him!!! I think Julie hit the nail on the head: the status of the couple's relationship is their business, and they'll need to work it out. Absolutely do not talk to her boyfriend, or they will both likely be very upset with you. This is something you will have to be stoic about, because I see you obviously care about your cousin's feelings, but getting involved beyond listening and empathy is to run the risk of alienating them both. What might be a safer suggestion: if your cousin is upset enough about this to want some peace, she might go to see a counselor. I'm a person who has been both married and also in a long-term commited relationship for years with a person before marrying them. Both situations worked for me for what I needed; when it stopped working, those situations changed --one declined, one improved, so you never can know. Doing the work to figure out why we are in the situation we are in can be helpful; sometimes we decide that we're okay where we are, and sometimes we make other choices. We can love someone to pieces, but we have to love our own selves first. Ultimately, your cousin must decide how she wants to live--and doing this can sometimes look like a long process Don't expect her to make any lasting decisions overnight, if she does decide to address it. If not, change is good. He may be a comedian and he may be silly sometimes but he had some very sage advise for women. On this topic, he said that men will continue to do what they've always done unless we set some standards. The moment we see you're willing to put aside your hopes of walking down the aisle, we're going to shelve it too. And we're going to go on renting you out, with the option to buy if you let us... I won't do him the disservice of quoting the entire suggested conversation especially since I don't wanna get hit with a copyright suit , so I really recommend that she buy a copy or go to the library. Its quite insightful, and there are some really funny parts too. REVISED: Oh, I forgot your second question. Stay out of it. Again, she needs to take control, not hand it over to you. Your cousin should not have purchased a home with her emotionally unavailable boyfriend!!!!! They need to sell it immediately and split it. What a mess she got herself into, but I guess love was blind for her. No, you should NOT talk to her boyfriend about this! This is none of your business and you cannot be a busy-body and stick your nose in where it doesn't belong. It would just piss him off and it would definately backfire anyway. This man has no intentions of getting married at least not to your cousin. She needs to hire a realtor and put their house on the market A. I hope she will find a good man in the near future. She purchased a house with him with NO RING OR MARRIAGE PROPOSAL????? She shouldn't have done that! He may be the type to never marry but want the whole house, kids etc. I would give him an ultimatum. Either get married or go separate ways-thats just me but I wouldn't waste my life waiting around for someone to pop the question. You should stay out of it though. Its between her and her boyfriend. M Your cousin is doing everything in the wrong order. Marriage first, then the house. She should get out of that situation and start fresh on her own. If he is unwilling to commit after 6 years what is he waiting for?? She has made it too easy for him to not commit. Why should he, seriously? He gets all the benefits of a wife without the responsibility. Can't blame him, really. It's between your cousin and her boyfriend! If he can't connect with her, what good could your interference do? If they cannot handle this together, they don't belong together. What in the world is she doing entering into a financial arrangement home ownership with legal ramifications, without any real discussion between them about their future? They need couples counseling, tomorrow. She needs to find out ways to advocate for herself and make sure he understands her needs. He needs to make sure she understands his wishes and desires as well. She should stop talking to others unless it's a professional who can help her sort out her style of conflict resolution and communication, and she needs to talk to HIM! Only voice your opinion if ASKED! Do not get into the middle of this.. If she asks what she should do you could suggest couples counseling or her asking him to marry her.. The 3 women I know that gave their boyfriends ultimatums.. All 3 got proposals and rings, but today only 1 is still married to that husband.. And neither of the 2 women has remarried abut do have children from that marriage. But the ex husbands have remarried and have more children with second wives.. It would be interesting to know what the statistics actually are.. I also, if she had asked, would not have encouraged her to purchase a home with anyone other than a life partner or a spouse.. But that is just me.. Tell her to sell the house, dump the boyfried and get on with her life. And to not make things worse by marrying this man, who obviously does not want to make a committment to her. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO This is not your problem. She made a horrible choice, but it was her choice to make. She should be upset, but it's her own fault. The best you can do for her is to give her a shoulder to cry on, when it all comes crashing down. Advise for her: Move on! This guy is not interested in marriage or it would be done already. Don't bother nagging, begging, convincing, threatening, him to do it, he doesn't WANT TO. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. So even if he did give in, what kind of marriage would that be? Lots of built up resentment. It sounds like she's living in fantasy land. His track record should've clued her in to not buying a house with him. And I mean a ring and a date. If it didn't happen, I'd revisit the topic and then if he still doesn't come around SOON, I'd be gone. Moving in together is NEVER a wise move even when you're engaged. Let the guy be ready for all the responsibilities of marriage before playing house together. Too many horror stories out there, and seriously, why bother with marriage if you've got all the benefits and none of the responsibleness? Its very easy to put off marriage for whatever reasons cost, hassle, limitation of freedom, etc... Now she's in a pickle, having to sell a house or get him to buy her out, or buy him out to move on. Encourage her to do this, if there is ANY HOPE of the guy coming around, it would be after some time to himself. But honestly, I'm not sure there is a meeting of the minds here, so likely he would feel pressured into it. Don't you get into the middle of this mess. It won't help, I promise. Its only helpful to get involved in a situation if there is a misunderstanding and people are too embarrassed to do the communicating themselves. This situation does not fit that mold most situations don't. She needs to be in the driver's seat here. Best wishes, I know this is devastating, but she needs to cut her losses and begin her life - preferably with someone who is willing to commit! And Please try to convince her not to do something like this ever again!!!! First off, buying a house without being married to me is a huge no no, he is getting every benefit of being married without having to face any responsability whatsoever and also no way your cousin should have children with this man, which is the next step assuming from their history; what if he cannot handle the stress? She should have made the decision or spoke with this guy before buying a house together. Sounds like he will not ask her to marry him. They've been dating for 6 years and probably initimate so why should he make it legal if she's giving him everything? Sounds harsh but true. No you should not speak with him. Your cousin is an adult and should handle this situation herself. She could just ask him why he hasn't asked her or she could ask him to marry her. They need to have open communication now or their relationship will not succeed. Hope everything works out for her. Must be very hard for you to see your cousin go through this. But, if I were you, I wouldn't say one word to the boyfriend. He's getting exactly what he wants with no strings attached, but it's not your place to say something. Best advice I ever received about a relationship came from my Mom. She said, when you get a belly full, you'll know what to do. It's straight to the point. Hopefully it won't take her that long. Try to see the boyfriends perspective. He just signed 20+ years to her on a mortgage. That is a commitment. Men don't think in the same wavelength as women. He may think buying a home is a bigger commitment to her than just a ring and a piece of paper. Either way, it is her decision. She obviously loves him enough to make this commitment to him. Maybe they both do want to get married in the future. But they must decide when it is good for them. They shouldn't have to get married next week to keep everyone else happy. If she is really upset she needs to talk to him. However, is she upset because of how HE makes her feel or because of how EVERONE ELSE makes her feel about this situation? If her family is giving her negativity because she isn't married, Shame on them! She needs to make decisions that make HER happy. Who cares what YOU think. It is not YOUR situation. You should definitely not talk to her boyfriend but tell HER to talk to him. Not a passive-aggressive, mad, or pressuring talk but just honest to goodness this is what i want, what is it that you want talk.
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